Growing older
I lived with my Grandmother when I was growing up. I left home 6 years ago when I was 23.
We've been noticing lately that she's changing (we don't see her that often, so maybe we notice it more!).
We went on holidays for a week last week and I'd told my Dad we were going and where. He then told nan, who then was talking to me about it over the phone. "Be careful of your bags, as the baggage handlers are former prisoners (jailbirds)".
Two nighs ago we'd not heard from her for a while and CJ suggested I give her a call. I did that.
To fill in some of the conversation, I was telling her about our trip. She said, I didn't even know you were going away. I reminded her about Dad telling her and about her and the baggage handlers. She said that she remembered that.
It must be what they say, she was being "kept" young when I was living there, but now I'm not there, she's just letting herself go.
Just thinking that is stressful, and so is the fact that her memory is going and she says she didn't know something when she was told (sometimes a couple of times).
I dare say it happens to everyone at some stage.
Growing old has its advantages and disadvantages.
How I'm feeling.
There are some days when you just end up feeling so ... down, stressed, hurt, fed up, angry, frustrated, fucked around and generally fucked up, that you lack the ability to even smile.
Well today I feel like that. I feel like shit, total and utter shit. I'm sure I must look pretty awful too, but I can't help it. And I don't actually give a damn. Everything has just gotten me down to the point where I feel, I'm just lying at the bottom of this huge cliff I've just fallen off of, staring up at it.
I know I've got to make the climb back up, and I'm pretty sure that in a little while something will happen that will make me end up on the top of the cliff face going along quite happily where I was before I fell off.
Steve Irwin passed away on Monday and it's been a huge shock to all of us. That may be part of what's wrong, I dunno. Other things are wrong too, but I'm not going to go into it here.
I've read that when you wake up in the morning, you have a choice. Feel good and smile or feel bad and frown.
When you feel like this, it uses a hell of a lot of energy to feel good. Most time the level of "happiness" just happens on its own. I'm just in a "happy" mood.
Nothing is working at the moment. Happy thoughts aren't cutting it. Funny jokes hit the smile spot for the briefest of moments, then they're gone again.
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I hate feeling like this.
I hate what's happening.
I hate how I can't see a solution.
I hate how I can't tell him how I'm feeling and what's wrong.
I hate how he doesn't listen (or hear) when I try.
:-(
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World of Warcraft
... it really does take over your life!
Question of the month: How do you like your coffee (or tea)?
Myth: Housework. Once it's done, you can sit down and have a rest.
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About
me...
At the beginning of 2001
I moved to a little country town in the middle
of Victoria (Australia) about 65kms from the
town I was born and grew up in. It's a fairly
peaceful historic town nestled at the foot of
the Strathbogie Ranges. I live here with my
husband in a house we bought in 2002.
When we have the time and money we paint parts of the house,
do some more gardening, and workout what renovations we can do to the house next...
and also try to keep up with each day as it passes.
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Messages
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If I can find something similar to tagboard on the net that is customisable, I will put it here. Any ideas you can put my way?.
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